Here is the first major change! My opening has been rewritten, tell me what you think.

Old opening:

How does one begin a story? In the beginning? Once upon a time? It was a dark and stormy night? No, those won’t do. This isn’t a fairytale, it was a nightmare. Even now, I don’t know everything that happened, and when I look at it, my part seems so insignificant. I tried to be something that no man should be.

Why do I even write this? I’m just a common Councilor’s aide, no one special. Yet for some reason, I ended up right in the center of a myth-sized mess, one that needed a hero. What they got was the comedic sidekick.



New opening:

Once upon a time? In the beginning? How do you start a story like this? It was a dark and stormy night? No, that won’t do, this wasn’t a fairytale, it was a nightmare. I still don’t know everything that happened, and my part seems so insignificant. I guess I tried to be something greater than myself.

Why am I even writing this? I’m just a Councilor’s aide, nobody special, just checking dossiers and keeping an important man informed of his political climate. So why did I end up in this mess? A myth needs a great hero in shining armor and a white horse, ready for glorious adventure. What they got was the comic sidekick who was scared of snakes.

I like the concept.

A bit overdone with the internal questions (IMHO) maybe pick the best ones and prune down the others.

Also, you had the tense right in the first one. It should read "This ISN'T a fairytale... but rather a nightmare.

By adding the "but rather" part, you can get rid of the awkward tense comparison. I can see you struggled with it both ways... so combine them into one sentence for the contrasting effect you're looking for.

The second one is definitely better. Nice hook. just a little heavy on the introspective. (6 question marks in only 121 words )

I agree with the questions, already see one that I'll prune, maybe combine the other two. The tenses, I'm not convinced on. This writing will actually be shown to be his final thoughts, entered in his journal, a quiet (hopefully!) nod to Tolkien's inspiration.


Maybe "It's hard to begin a story, finding the right words for that thing that becomes the central event in your life. Nothing seems to fit! Once upon a time? In the beginning? No, that doesn't work, this wasn't a fairytale at all. It was a nightmare, a mass event that touched millions of beings."

Like it more?

Works for me.