This is the official thread of my WIP, titled "A Red Sun Rises", due for completion November 1, 2008. The purpose of this thread is to submit bits that frustrate me, questions concerning the story, or anything else I need help with, without clogging the entire forum with multiple threads. I may also ramble at times about ideas, characters, or anything else book-related.

I have to push hard to get this done on time, so help me out please!


I introduced a new character into the story today, an ancient sea-spirit of the Sidhe. Amahte was mentor to one of the main characters--Cairbre, prince of the Sidhe--and he has named her his Mother-Queen, a sort of reverse regent. In case of his death or incapacitation, she and his head general would rule the American Sidhe.

She is one of the Eldest, a daughter of the ancient sea-gods, and she had memories that are lost to the rest of the people.

I thought this year's book was "In the Arms of War" and that "A red sun rises" would be the second book.

Silly me is writing the last two books first. Since "Arms of War" is a stand-alone of a different tone from the other two, it get written later. Yeah, probably not the best idea. But no, Red Sun is my current WIP.

Well, that was a frustrating week. It wasn't that I didn't have time, but allergies and no air conditioning took me straight out. Seriously, my progress for the last week is about 700 words. That's the worst it's been in a while.

Has anyone seen those maps, I forget who drew them, showing what America would look like in the wake of a string of huge natural disasters? The Mississippi River would slash the nation in half, a bay leading to the Great Lakes, the southern swamps would be part of the ocean, the West would have new topography, etc. It's an interesting idea, one I've played with and instituted in my story here.

My question is, what causes new cities to spring up in a post-apocalyptic, shattered nation? What on earth would you name them? I've been using the name Margate for my city, but I'm not sure if I should keep that, as it is a real place. But I can't get too fantastic, since it is part of America still.

Le sigh, why did I have to start with a novel that is so involved in possibilities of the real world?

What causes new cities to spring up? I guess it would be people trying to rebuild. Depending on your post-apocalyptic level of technology, they might build new cities on the ruins of old cities (easy access to scrap metal and other resources), or they might have to revert to settling along rivers like early civilizations did.

As for names, old names with "New" stuck on the front seem to be popular in the real world (New New York might be a bit much, but New San Francisco or New Baltimore could work). What about naming them after their founders, or other post-apocalyptic (or pre-apocalyptic) leaders?

What causes cities to spring up? The same thing that always cause it to happen.

Places that are near access to needed resources, particularly food and water. Also, if it is a dangerous environment with wild animals or marauding tribes and such, cities will also spring up around the locations of people who can provide safety and security (the strong).

Food, water, security, and a sense of community is all that is needed for a city to grow out of nothing.

Excellent, thank you both. I've got the reason written in, now to play with names as much as possible. I may go with something Greek, seeing as their patron goddess is Nemesis.

I've decided to write character bios in first-person, letting the characters explain themselves in their own voices. The first one is my favorite character, a cold and wise voice, with moments of mercy he regards as irritating weaknesses, and a sociopathic personality.

Alejandro Maduro

I am the Hand of God, the Son of Darkness, and the Servant of the Angel of Death. To me was given the sight of the future, the destiny of the innocent, and the pain of decision. A prince once, I devote myself now to service, to humility, to wisdom, and beg of the One that I be allowed to eat of his crumbs of wisdom. In his Divine Justice, it has been chosen to deny me earthly love, that I may love him better, and atone for the blood I have spilt, the pain I have wrought in my own weakness and folly. To this atonement, and the pleasure of my Master, do I devote my life. This curse given me, the great light into my darkened state, I submit to his glory and service, to use my immortality and strength in arbitration of his judgments and will on this earth.

With bitter sorrow do I claim these lives, these souls. Many come too soon, innocent and beautiful creatures that should have lived to shine on in the darkness of the world, and these burn my soul with pain greater than any other. For each of them, one of these marks, the indelible reminders of my duty and folly, is dedicated. Each sigil carved into my flesh, a monument to death, a scourge to my soul that burns me till the day my Lord sees fit to claim me from my earthly burdens and judge me in full measure.

I hide my shame and horror behind these masks, the masks of evil and perversion, or of beauty and holiness, that those my hand claims might know what it is that has come to them, that the Angel of Death awaits in the wings, and to whence he will send them, my terrible master. He has no pity, no emotion in fulfilling his purpose, this dark arbitration at the end of mortality. It is this cold, dark and silent mercy that fills my heart as I draw the life from my charges, his shadow that cloaks me as he takes their soul to the final reward, his voice issuing through me to comfort or deny them comfort as meets their punishment.

I am the Hand of God, his tool of arbitration. I am the Son of Darkness, a blood-drinker and scion of the darkest arts man has seen. I am the Servant of the Angel of Death, his avatar and blade. I am Alejandro, Prince of Castile, Slave of the Creator, Exile of the Courts of the Gods.

Cool.

I've always done short first-person interviews with an actual interviewer and the accompanying questions and answers.

This character sounds pretty cool, but it doesn't feel like the character speaking for himself... it still sounds like YOU speaking for him. Does that make any sense?

Let us get into his head... bring it down a notch and do it a little bit in plain, everyday speech.

I know that if I was asked to write a couple of paragraphs about myself... I wouldn't do it with the "Booming Movie Guy Voice".

But, I know that this isn't really for reader eyes... it's just a piece that helps you define the character. So, for what it is... I'll stick with my original comment:

Cool.

Alejandro is the product of another age, literally. His father was one of the Moorish princes of Spain. English is about his tenth language, learned in an abbey, and the lad just doesn't know how to use contractions, slang, or to put things simply. He also has a slightly irritating flair for melodrama.

I was trying to put a sense of weight into his words, a touch of how twisted and strange a man he is. I need to work on that more, as he is possibly one of my strongest characters, and one of my two favorites!

Okay... I must admit... I like the big "Movie Voice Guy"

You can keep him.

But try something like that again... and I'll put you in detention.

Detention huh? Darling, I've managed to out-stubborn much more enthusiastic opponents than this, I'm not too worried. Then again, you CAN block me from the forum...

I'm going to make a concentrated push on this the next two months. Now that my distraction is out of the way, I think I can make incredible progress on this, which is good, because I'm behind!

A very short excerpt from the current chapter.

___________________________________________

Michael ran through the tunnels, his heart pounding, adrenaline surging through his veins. He jumped a small trickle of water, just because it was there, and listened to the beat of his heart. He fancied that it kept time to his feet, and grinned. He suddenly realized that he hadn’t felt this good, this powerful, this alive since, well, forever. His mind ran ahead of him, plotting out the tunnels he had taken, the ones he had chosen to ignore. Something guided him through tunnel after tunnel, the mad baying of the hound ringing in his ears.

Did I ever tell you that I am really interested in your stories, and have a feeling they'll be great? I love reading every little bit you post. Are any of the excerpts/pieces you've previously posted on the forum related to this?

And about the excerpt you just posted, it reads very well I think. The pacing is spot on. (Not that I'm a very qualified judge in such cases, but still.)

Thank you! I'm glad it's an enjoyable read, high praise you're giving me here!

Some of the stuff on the forum is from earlier drafts of this story, but I've actually posted very little from this particular book. Most of it is short sketches or experiments.

But, since you like it, and I'm posting pieces, I'll give you a little intro of the character shown in the former excerpt.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was a moderate man, Michael Donovan, just another man in the city. He used to fancy himself hero-material, but what kid doesn’t? So he had wanted to be a don’t-fuck-me-I-won’t-fuck-you kind of guy. He’d taken classes in boxing and joined the Army and even taken a few lessons in computer hacking, but most of that had just rolled off of him like water off a duck. So he had a lack-luster military record and could remember how to make the font red, and that being punched hurt and wasn’t a great idea. Life taught him that when bills and kids start showing up, heroes are just another bedtime story. So the dream of being a hero slowly faded, replaced by the everyday irritations of work and paying off a mortgage, until the only reason he thought about being a hero was when he told his little boys bedtime stories about monsters and maidens. He was a solid, moderate man in a city that valued solid, moderate men who didn’t want to get too nosy, and life was good.

Praise where praise is due, isn't that what we say around here? Anyways, it was just that I'd been thinking it for a while when it finally struck me that perhaps you'd like to hear it too!
And great character intro, makes that excerpt even more interesting.

Ok, so I'm on a slow connection, have no time, and I SWEAR I am working furiously!

I'm on page 137 of the revisions, moving slowly and steadily along. I have almost 90,000 words on the third draft, and a lot of it from here out just needs editing. It's going to be a crunch to have it done on time, but I have a new schedule that I intend to stick to, and will be upping the quality of work AND wordcount over the next few months.

Also, I think I will go back through for the final draft and prune somewhere around 20,000 words of history/infodumps, and try to make it unimportant. It feels heavy and stiff. And I need to add in plenty of detail, as I can now weave tiny little things throughout the story.

I'm starting to delete snippets and paragraphs, pruning things that need to be gotten rid of. The first third of the book is too lengthy, and needs to be tighter.

I also played with opening lines, and will be posting some choices later on, to get opinions. No promises that I'll use the one most people like, but I will consider it!

You're in the fun bit I can see - what a nice feeling to see th first draft coming together as a polished work!

I've enjoyed the snippets you've posted in this thread. Good luck with the editing!

2+

Actually, this is the part I hate. I love rough drafts, but it gets frustrating in the editing, especially when I have so many other ideas!

460 words so far today, but I have to go to work now. I'll try and do more tonight when I get back.

My two months at the end of the year, after the book is finished, will be devoted to heavy world-building and writing up an encyclopedia of the events, characters, and places. I need something I can reference quickly for "Iron Cross", and there are so many foreign names in here I can't remember them all.

I am also struggling with one of my protagonists. There is a reason few main characters are anything but human, maybe with the exception of some pointy ears stuck on. Caerbre, who will be renamed before the end, is Sidhe. Slight touches of human, from his years living among humans, but there has to be a non-human cast to his mind and actions. Morality is touchy here, as he finds some things perfectly allowable and forgivable, such as destroying an entire city to make a point, while he'll go into a righteous rage over an unkept promise. Argh.

I've been studying Moorcock's Elric, as the mindset interests me, but it's not quite right. Tad Williams, Stackpole and the Silmarillion are my other sources of study, the Elvish mindset works well enough, and de Lint has some good stuff too. I need more though, so suggestions are welcome, as Caerbre is the main character in the next book.

Any other exceptionally written immortals?

673 words today. Working on the scene between the two fathers, Caerbre and Michael. This is possibly one of my favorite scenes to write, as it allows me to play with morality, responsibility, love and race.



“Mr. Donovan, please. Relax. I gave you my word you wouldn’t be harmed. Yes, I hunted you. Resign yourself to the fact that you won’t figure out why for a while,” Caerbre coaxed, frustration showing in his eyes. He felt too disconnected, too out of practice in wooing humans to talk. He consciously adjusted his thoughts, rearranging the patterns to try and match Michael’s. Human morals were a mystery to him, although he had studied them at length, and their emotions seemed so petty and unfounded.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make me real happy about telling you a ton of secrets,” replied Michael, dry sarcasm bleeding from his voice.

Caerbre added human humor patterns, simplified trust-structures, and deranged loyalty to his thought pattern. This was already giving him a headache. “I’m not asking for secrets. Am I? I wanted to know why you are here. In Sidhe lands. Taking a short-cut towards the god’s courts.” Caerbre was ticking the points off on his fingers. “Oh, and add to the list, you are traveling with two very interesting vampires, ones I have met before and found most sympathetic towards my view of humans. And a demon with more power than some gods, wearing chains he doesn’t think he can break. And oh yes, he’s the servant of an ally. One that just warned me that I had enemies in one of the most powerful Western human cities, and said he had learned many interesting things about Hydra, my old enemy, as well.”

Michael sighed. Being important was getting tiring.

“So where does that leave you, little human? It takes a lot of something to bring the Angel of Death to your shoulder.” He smiled, a shark’s grin, at Michael’s surprise. “Alejandro Maduro is an old name, a legend even among the immortals. Saint or devil, he is a player of games bigger than you could guess at.”

"Why did you survive the labyrinth?” Caerbre murmured, his voice a hypnotic ebb and flow.

It was the first time Michael had heard the immortals speak in something other than human tone, and it wrapped around his heart and lulled him to peace. A dim part of his mind fought the whispering sea, struggling to stay focused.

So it amuses me greatly when I'm proved so wrong. I gave the entire draft to my trusty friend and chief critiquer last week, (Keiron actually, my favorite slave-driver), and I've started getting feedback from him. Apparently, I write great immortals and terrible humans. Yay. I have to go back and spend some time on my human. Poor guy.

Anyways, discussions about the gods and the nature of the gods has proved deeply useful and interesting. I am going to apply that to my story now, and write some damn good immortals.

Thanks Keiron. (you're still going to be in trouble for some of those smart-a** comments though...)

By the way folks, if he thinks what you're writing makes sense and is realistic... ANYONE will.

*edit* 800+ words today. I refuse to allow myself to get caught up in worries that this isn't good enough, that I'm wasting my time, or that I won't make my deadline. If I don't make the deadline, fine, I'll move it back a couple of months. But for now, I'm determined to have it done in 3 months. If I stay focused and positive, I can make it.

I so do not want to keep writing this. Seriously, I want to stash it away, and go work on something that isn't wasting my time like this. I feel that it's not good enough to keep working on, that I'm wasting time trying to produce something worthy of print, and that I shouldn't be trying to write until I'm much, much better.

So, that being said...

I'm going to try and finish another chapter on it today. It may be crap, but hell, how else am I going to learn?

Caring is the first step to improving. You obviously care. A lesser person wouldn't.

If it's consistent with the material that I've seen, then you are on a good track. They say it's not ready for readers eyes until you are disgusted with it. Sounds to me, like it's just about there.

I don't ever want to look at that pathetic disaster titled 'FIFTHWIND" ever again.

Write in the face of failure. Write even when it seems hopeless, write when everyone around you is saying you're wasting your time, Write even when you don't want to. Write and ye shall reap the benefits... Don't give in the spiteful little voice inside your head. That evil witch... doesn't know sh*t!

mornara wrote:

I so do not want to keep writing this. Seriously, I want to stash it away, and go work on something that isn't wasting my time like this. I feel that it's not good enough to keep working on, that I'm wasting time trying to produce something worthy of print, and that I shouldn't be trying to write until I'm much, much better. So, that being said... I'm going to try and finish another chapter on it today. It may be crap, but hell, how else am I going to learn?

That's the way. You tell that story who is boss!

I liked your excerpt. I was a little thrown by the omni 3rd person POV, as I haven't seen it used in ages, but it read fine once I got used to it. I agree that Michael was a little cardboardy, but that's fixable.

Keep writing!

2+

Complacency doesn't pay. Whether for being happier, or taking better care of myself, my shoulder went almost two months without any severe pain. In fact, there were a couple of times it stopped hurting. I shouldn't have gotten used to it, because it's back with a vengeance, and my entire right side is in pain again, from just above my waist all the way down into my hand. A wristbrace helps a little, but makes it hard to write.

Despite that, the third draft is now at 92,000 words, with only 50,000 left to rewrite or paste in.

The first half of the book is solidly wrapped now, and the creatively challenging part is heading for my screen!

Thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement. I'll finish the damned thing.

Of course you'll finish the damn thing!

The best part is that you'll hate it with a vengeance once your done. It's funny how you can pour so much of your self into a project, give it a tremendous amount of love and attention, and then the day comes that you'll say, "Woo hoo it's finished.... now I don't ever want to look at those damn pages EVER again for the rest of my life."

Created with love: Given away to the masses in disgust.

'Tis the life of a writer.

So I browsed through the sucker today, looking for a missing character-- to stick in StorYBook so I'd remember it was a character-- and discovered that hey, I have a half-ways interesting plot in here. I totally want to find out what happens!

Anyways, updates don't happen often, but the last two days I've hit well over 800 words a day, and about 800 average for the four days before that. Sad.

But I'm almost to 95,000 words edited. I'd like to hit +100,000 by a week from today.

630 words today, leading to a word count of 95,710. I was farther ahead than I thought. The next two chapters kick off the most research-intensive part of the book, as I am referencing a LOT of mythology.