The challenge was to try and capture a sense of loneliness in any writing style in 250 words or less. Without further ado, here are mine and RoberII's pieces:

RoberII (WC: 75)

Echoes dripped from the ceiling as the church doors were swung open and people filled up the benches. There was not much noise, except for the hushed whispers of the students. Only his mother cried. Even his classmates were not troubled enough to cry for real, though one had cried when she heard the news.

"He always seemed so alone," she had cried. "How can anyone be that alone? How can anyone be that alone?"

**********************************************************

Ken Kiser (“The Streets Don’t Talk Anymore”) (WC: 250)

Phil glanced down nervously at the single rose he carried and said, “Oh, this? I picked it up at Julian’s… that little flower shop on Oak--”

Phil shot up his hand and nodded, “Look, Liz. I know that all the roses in the world can’t fix this… Just let me finish.”

He searched for the right words. “I used to think that no man could ever take you away from me.” Phil allowed himself a soft chuckle. “But, when he came into your life, I guess he proved me wrong… I have to accept that…”

Phil stopped and turned his eyes skyward to stifle his emotions and compose himself. “Anyway, I went to the game last night at Wrigley. It was sold-out as usual. It’s funny that even in that ocean of faces, I’ve never felt more alone. It’s too damned quiet, Liz… the streets don’t talk to me anymore. The city has no pulse. Worst of all is eating… I hate eating alone.”

Phil turned away. “I know, I know…There are plenty of fish in the sea. I should find someone new… but I came here today to tell you that I’ll always love you… even if you can’t say it back.”

“I don’t know what to do, Liz.” Phil’s hands began to tremble. “What am I gonna do?”

Phil placed the rose on the polished granite and ran his fingers over the inscription: Elizabeth Miller, Beloved Daughter and Wife, “Taken from us by a drunk driver.”

Well folks... there they are.

RoberII and I would love to hear your comments.

RoberII, I didn't really pick up on the sense of loneliness as the mother's grief is always referred to in relation to someone else's, so there was still that sense of connection.

Fifth, yours is very powerful. Great twist, emotion and character empathy. I feel sorry for the guy, so you hit the mission statement bang on.

FW... wonderful! and you say you aren't good at short stories... *gives an un-lady like snort* Its good. very good. you gave a sense of loneliness in the descriptions of the streets, of eating alone.

Bobby. I think your piece was too short, too condensed. you left out the flavor of the story by it being too short.

my vote for FW

Mister_Bubbles wrote:

RoberII, I didn't really pick up on the sense of loneliness as the mother's grief is always referred to in relation to someone else's, so there was still that sense of connection. Fifth, yours is very powerful. Great twist, emotion and character empathy. I feel sorry for the guy, so you hit the mission statement bang on.

But the mother isn't the one who is lonely.

And shadow, my first draft was ' there was a funeral and noone came'

To be honest, I would have liked that one better. The redundancy of the word cry (or it's variations) ruined any emotion brought up by the word.

On the other hand, I think Ken needs a replacement final sentence since it sounds too much like a PSA. I think it should be less blunt. Then it would be perfect.

RoberII wrote:

But the mother isn't the one who is lonely.

Ah, I figured it was supposed to be both of them. Fair enough.

RoberII: I liked your story the best actually, but I felt that with such a low wordcount it should have been written better. For instance, I agree with doomhammr about the word "cry".

FW: I did like yours, and it was well written. But the twist didn't quite work for me, I felt it was almost obvious what had happened. Don't know if you intended that or not.. But still.

Well, that's just me.
My vote goes to FW.

And I would have liked to see a piece about loneliness that wasn't connected to a death. I think that could have been just as powerful.

RoberII's. It sticks in da mind.

Elanor wrote:

And I would have liked to see a piece about loneliness that wasn't connected to a death. I think that could have been just as powerful.

The problem is that me and Bobby, even without speaking to each other, have an uncanny talent in duplicating the theme or setting in these "blind" challenges. It's really kinda scary how we mirror thoughts. All but one of our duels has turned out that way if I'm not mistaken.

But as they say, great minds think alike