Oh the red pen....

I think that the most destructive tool that an author can have is a single RED pen. On a page that is black and white, a single slash of color stands out like a drop of blood on winter snow. it draws your attention to what needs to be changed, focusing your energies for another battle with letters and words.

*shakes head*
No it is not all that bad, but at times it seems to be. I will be so glad when the holidays are over. Soo soo glad... work has been draining, kids have been draining, and my life in general has been pulled in so many directions lately that when I sit to take a breath, i am not sure where I am.
In two more weeks it will be over, the holidays that is. Classes are finished this week, thankfully, and I have found that I have really slacked off in this class, but it is hard to find enthusasium in a class where you do the same thing as you do at work.... boring!!!
Editing is going slowly, a few hours at a time. I find the best time to work on this is right before bed... even though it relaxes me enought that I get sleepy, my mind is more clear, and I can mark the pages with corrections easier. And yes I do use a red pen to mark thing on the page

As I look at the pages I have been editing I wonder How much editing is too much?

should I fill the pages with revisions? or should I stop where I am, type up the changes, and then see where I am at? Truthfully I am not sure. I am working on a full edit right now, not stopping except to reach over for a new red pen. I am trying to read it like a reader and I want to ask myself when I read a section "did this all make sense?" I have found spelling errors, and words that just don't quite fit in. I have passages that need a total revision while others only a word here and there.

I guess I will keep on with what I am doing, it works for me at this time. Perhaps when I get better at this I will learn to do something different, but for now I am comfortable with it.

But some pages are filled with red marks, words and phrases I have marked in that I want to change, while others are have only five or six marks on them. Do I want to leave thos passages alone? I might, but the next heavy revision will tell.

BTW this is my first full revision, not a final polish. This is wheere I fill in holes and change from showing action to making my caracters do what is in the story. sometimes it is very easy, and sometimes I have to go back the next night to see what more I want to change.

until later
Shadow

at 1800 words a day I will have the first revisions done on the WiP in 55 days....

it sounds like a long time, doesn't it? Especially when I have to go down to the shed an hour before I plan to write to get the heater turned on so I am at least half way comfortable while editing. then I go back down the yard a half hour to check on the heater and get the laptop set up. It is an old one so it takes a bit to get going. After that, I put on a few more layers of clothes, my fingerless gloves, and grab a blanket.

Now ask me if it is worth it?

YES I have an hour of peace without the kids asking for something, the TV blaring, the dishwasher humming and the dryer buzzing. This is MY time to WORK. An hour, such a blissful thing. The laptop is not connected to the internet, so I am not distracted, and the only company that I have is my dog who does not take much of an interest in the computer anyway.

So in 53 days, I should have the first hard revisions done. That puts me at the begining of March. then another revision. I dont know how long that will take. I will get an estimate when I get there.

*sigh*

My mind has been scattered this past week. Pulled in so many directions that it is hard to concentrate on just one thing. My creativity is bubbling outward again. I keep looking at my paints, beads, and drawing supplies, itching to just pick it up and say H*LL with the rest of the day and start on something. But I keep it restrained for now.
I try to keep my creativty restrained, because I have a very bad habbit of spreading my self too thin and then crash and get depressed because i cannot do EVERYTHiNG. I must keep myself limited to only a few things at a time.
Right now my personal life is in flux. Mark and I had a talk last week, and I dont think our relationship is going to keep going. I am growing and hee keeps wanting to keep me restrained. He asked why I go to the shed to freeze my rump off to write. I told him because I needed peace and quiet to concentrate. He didnt get it. Right now he is pouting and trying to prove to me that HIS way is better in all things.... yea right..
School has started again. This class is going to be a challenge. A combination of history and design. Complicated, and exactly what I need to stir up my creativity.
My sister has asked me to build a website for her for a class project. Need to do that this week. Simple coding, but I havent had much practice yet, and still not quite sure what I am doing.
I set out some beads to start on another necklace, already have the chain done, just need to decide where to go from there. It will seem complex, yet will be very simple... well kind of.
And the writing.... an hour every day (sat I did two) I am adding a lot of words on this.... slashing some, but adding a lot. it is exciting, scary, and confusing at times. but I am eager to complete the first 3 chapters, then I will do a FW and print out copies, and take them to the local book store, and the libraries around here to see what some people think.

Cringes at above post....

Well we cannot always be happy people. Life takes turns and twists and sometimes the road stops and crumbles beneath our feet.
But we learn from what we experience. YOu have to take that sort of approach with your characters.
Sometimes you need to explore who and what these people are. sometimes they need to learn a lesson. and sometimes they need to know who and what they are.

Would I have finished my first story if I had been happy with my life? Probably not. Would I be willing to sit in a cold shed and edit.... not likely. I would have been to busy with being happy.

So even the worst of events, can help you find a new road, a new focus, and help you realize your dreams.

I hope everything turns out alright with your relationship. Without knowing anything about you or 'Mark', I think it sounds like he wants to be a part of your world and feels shut out of it. Maybe you should try letting him into it? But that is complete flabbergabble from a 21-year old BOY commenting on an older woman's life, based on her internet writing journal. But it was a thought, and I thought I'd share it. But I do have the self-awareness to realize that my opinion carries little weight, and that I'm too young to be any good at these things

Let us know when you need readers, I'll be happy to read and critique

Hmmm hadn't ever thought of it that way, but you know he has never knocked on the door so to speak.
I have been mostly a homebody, always home, I don't go places much. He is the socilaite in the house. he goes to his friends while I stay home. Not his fault, well most of the fault is not his, because I am not a social type of person. So I have tried to include him in what I do. My beadwork, he always sees, the comments I get are usualy a shug or thats pretty comment. He knows that I have been writing, and even if I leave a manuscript out where he can see it, he never picks it up to read it. he does not even read letters that I leave him. He doesnt like to read. It would drive me nuts to know that he was writing something and I had not read it yet!
So how do I include someone in my life who doesnt show intrest in mine? There are no right answers, just more questions, and they are hard and sometimes painful to sort out.
and in our lives we sometimes become blinded to our own perspective of life. A viewpoint from someone else can help us see what is right in front of us.

Shadow? What ARE his interests? What sorts of things get him interested? You say he's a socialite? Well, ask him about a scene where your character is at a party, and ask if he's got any tips to make it more believable. Find something he's good at, and ask his advice.

My ex was about the same way, except he always wanted to read it. But he was never happier than if I was asking him something about a weapon, or an army question, because that was his specialty. If I asked him how far a .50 cal could accurately shoot, he was right there with the answer. Same with some of my friends, they just want to feel involved.

Also, maybe try and get out with him once in a while. You don't have to do it often, but make an effort to include yourself in HIS life. He may be feeling unneeded, unloved, unimportant, because you've got your writing and art, and he's not really a part of that. Make a gesture, tell him in plain words that you need his help. Guys DO want to feel needed and protective. Use that to your advantage. Instead of just showing him a finished product, say "I can't get this damn wire cut! Will you help me honey?" Little things that are his forte, and will make him feel special might help.

I admire both of you for making a relationship like that work, even when I'm sure you get lots of crap for the status of it. But sometimes, you have to make an effort to be involved with him, before he will be involved with you. Do you tell him you love him? That you are glad he's around to take care of you? That he's needed and special? Those little things are very cliche, but oh so necessary.

Then again, if I'm beating a dead horse, just tell me so. After all, I'm a 20 year old lesbian, and even with all my guy friends and exes, I just might be barking up the wrong tree!

His interests are sitting around with his buddies, in the garage, tearing up motors for 4 wheelers, drinking beer, NASCAR, kids, whos woman has the best a**, smoking, chew, and greasy food. and for a long time I was a part of that. (I can take apart motors with the best of the guys!) But I think that threatened him because he stopped asking me to come along. Then we had kids, and it was much more convienent for me to stay at home (sitters are expensive) and then he got new friends because he got pissed at the old ones, and I havent been around them enough to feel comfortable staying for long lengths of time (we are talking about 5 or 6 hour strethes here).
If I wait for him to fix something Iwill be waiting for 6 weeks... been there done that...

As to going out. Have you been with a person who does something because they are suppoed to and don't want to do it anyway? They don't have to say a word, just sit stiffly, says only one sylable answers, and doesn't have fun. That ws what the last 3 "dates" has been like. and only because I made him go. I told him the last time that until he wanted to have fun with me (and not meaning sex) then we would not be going out. We did go to a movie a few weekends ago, to the one HE wanted even though I told him I didnt want to go see it, and suggested another. I ended up with a raging headache, that hit during the movie (visual effects and that ws why I dont go to movie theaters often) and he wanted to argue about a moot point in the movie. Then after picking up the kids he went to his friends house. yea ... no taking advantage of the situation and taking care of me....for a change.

I have gotten into the habbit of taking care of the kids and myself without interferrence from him. He is a distant person, and in reflection of that, I have become one too. He wants to make this work, but dang he is going to have to make a lot of changes. So am I. and at times I wonder who is going to get hurt first.

My Head is in a much better place this week.
The fates will let fall the events that will change lives...

My life?? My kids lives?? the world as a whole?? I dont know, and I will only find out when they happen

I have been spending about 2 hours a night on editing. I have a strange process but for me it works.
I finalize one chapter a day. This means that it it about ready for final critique.
The second chapter that I look at I make major changes on.
The third chapter I format and make minor changed that jump out at me.
Yes I work on 3 chapters a night. This keeps me from getting mired down in the story, and keeps me from getting bored and setting it asside. While I do not HAVE to finalize a chapter, I feel that after looking at it for 3 days in a row, it should probably be left alone.

After I have 5 good chapters done, I will print out several copies and leave some at the local libraries, and book stores, with permission of course, to see what some other readers think. It will only have my email address on it, so that the readers can contact me for review. Thanks for the idea FW.
I am also going to have our writer here at the paper look over the chapters. he is an avid reader and movie goer so perhaps he would have some insight.

I almost have the 5 chapters done... wow. Nervously tapping at keyboard.

I had a chance to step completely away from my life for a few days and I grabbed it with both hands.
Every once in a while, we all need to back away, and leave what we know. Take a break and catch our breath.

My life these last few weeks has been heart wrenching as I make a huge decision in my future. While it is still pending, it is almost done. Cutting the final threads so that while not completely free, I can at least breath again.

I hadnt realized how much of my dreams I had stashed away, simply because the other person did not enjoy them too. How I tucked myself into a package so that I could become something else to please him. It was a gradual process, but once the shell started to crack, well the hurricane released has been frightening.

I have a few more choices to make, and probably an ugly confrotation coming. but i feel better about my life. sad, but better.

work will continue on the book edits tomorrow.

been sick in the body, the mind and the Soul...

My life has taken a gut punch lately. Unhappy with the way things are, and even though I am fighting to change it, it is making me more unhappy.
I cannot wait until the wether gets warmer, and I can go on 1 hour walks again without having to be careful about busting my rump on the ice, or siting inside while cold dreary rain falls.
I will probably be taking my kids and moving out when the weather warms up. Life with him is a trap. His way or no way. Even though he has tried to change a bit, his heart is not in it, and when I explain what I need, he turns it to what he needs from me, which are the things that make me so unhappy. he is never going to support the person that I am becoming. it is a threat to him and what he wants in life, which is not much at all...

I did sit down with the chapters again. added almost 1500 words to chapter 5. started prepping 6 and 7. still have a lot of work to do on 5. I will be starting a new necklace this weekend with a fabulous bead that I got in AZ. And I have the outline for the "new King" submission for Robert. I just have to write it out. taken me long enough.

so hopefully I can rise soon from this emotional mess. yes it is a mess as some days i go automatic and really have no idea what I have done during the day.... *sigh*
Probably going to the Dr this week about this cough... friends think it might be a bit of bronchitus... ick.. had it bout 3 weeks now.
just thought I would catch you all up.

*banging head against wall in frustration*

working on a story arc for my book, by looking at individual chapters. Spikes and valleys is more of what I have instead of a nice even (or somewhat even) arc.

so 1 I scrap the entire thing and start over
or 2 try to fix things.

I have a few subplots that I thought would work out, turns out they dont. also the story line is not as smooth as I would like.

So going to have a hard look at the work this weekend, and see how/if I can salvage it.

Otherwise... going to start again!

I thought you had a 100k+ completed rough!

By "start over" I hope you don't mean to scrap the whole thing...

Maybe it's just "rougher" than you thought it was.

well perhaps not a complete scrap, but some chapters will have to go.
they do not go anywhere.. dont have any idea where I wanted them to go.

its okay heck I hacked and slashed and rewrote pretty much the first 4 chapters anyway. (started with 2) so not going to be such a big deal.

I wrote it once. I can do it again.

lol

and i thought no one ever read this

I read your jorunel every time you post my friend, I just don't have much advice to give.

Thanks

I know no advice to give.

just give me a kick when I post something like that. just felt down this week.

Just printed off all of the chapters.
even at 9pt DS it is still a big pile of papers....

plan on some heavy editing away from the computer this weekend.
got heavy rains and more flooding on the way.

I cannot put myself through this anymore.
I will be moving on with my life, he doent want a relationship, he wants a doormat or somthing... dont know. atm dont care.

33 years old and probably going to be moving back in with my parent. (along with my kids)

good thing... lots more time for art and writing as they dialup (make that SLOW dial up)

bad thing.... I am a complete mess. going to be a long time before i can pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.

Hang in thier my friend, I know its hard but you will make it, you have a whole community of friends here willing to help you in anyway that we can!

What he said.

Stay tough.

Group hug...

Shadow, turn that pain into your writing, I think you may find an entirely new depth to your stories if you pour that honest emotion into it. Writing can be the best of therapy sometimes.

My heart goes out to you, it's not easy ending something and moving on.

My sympathies, Shadowflame. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.

Thanks....
it is going to be difficult to say the least.

anyway Monara I have a new notebook. if i get stressed i always fall back on writing long hand...
somthing has been stiring... waiting patiently to be let out.. lets see what it is.

I opened my new notebook and started writing. I covered 4 pages before I knew it. there were only little pauses where i was not quite sure what the characters were going to do or say.
not sure how many words 4 pages is, I guess I will find out when I type them. but not for a few days. the pen and paper are enough comfort to let some things go.

I have about 20 front/back pages in the notebook now, however I have worked on about half of the book (editing wise) Some things I have changed a lot, other things I have made only minor adjustments. I am giving myself to the end of JUNE to have ti complete.

Draft done
First edit.... working
second edit not there yet
polish beginning of June
Send it out July 1

just something that has been bouncing in my head for the past hour or so

The sorrow in her voice was so tangible heavy force that he felt like a heavy hand was crushing his heart. Words tumbled from her lips, as though they had lost all meaning to her. The joy she had once shown was gone, dissapeared into some hole of darkest dispair. She went through the movements of her life, automatically repeating the gestures and conversations that were demanded of her. The fire was dampened, the wick of her passion turned so low that the slightest of breezes would snuff it out.
He watched her and dispaired. he had admired her spirit, long ago. The way she had moved, her spirited discussions, the way she always held her head high.
Now it was only a husk, the very fire he had seen those many years ago, burned away as life had doused her dreams.

This has been a week.
You know one of those shoot it and get it over with, Murphey's Law everything that can go wrong will kind of weeks.
I have had a project at work that was supposed to to have had the ads sold two weeks ago, unfortuneately this did not happen. Boss Lady finally got motivated to sell last week, (sort of) and finished Wednesday.
People did not do thier job correctly, therefore, I did not get mine done corectly, and I had to do a lot of clean up, rearanging, and juggling.
Well home?? dont want to talk about it.

But you know? Today, there is a smile on my face. I have no idea where it came from, or how long it is going to stay, but its there and I am going to enjoy it.

It is strange sometimes, you get to feeling down, nothing is going right, and you are looking into a hole you dug your self. Then suddenly, that hopefulness bubbles out of no where, triggered by nothing more than a kind word or two, or a smile from a stranger.
The phrase "turning on a dime" comes to mind, because that is what I have done today. Even though I am tired, and I still have a mess to clean up here at work, and who knows what kind of situation I am going to come home to to night, for now I am happy.

and I plan on enjoying it.

Good for you Shadow! Hang in there girl, sometimes it's the worst times in our lives that teach us the best things. And I'll be damned if I know why, but it seems like when everything is a struggle, you can find the best happiness.

Don't let it get to you, just keep fighting and winning.

I know that feeling. But then, one of my mottoes is: "If I can dig a hole this deep, I can do anything!"